i already hear my dad disowning me
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
