Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
