I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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