She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
