Only a mothe r could love this liver
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
