Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
