I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
