If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
