Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
