All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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