All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
