ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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