Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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