There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
