Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
