I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
