The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
