I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
