Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
They took my balls.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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