She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
