I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
