Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
