Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
