too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
this hospital has no fireball
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
