I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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