He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
