So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
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