Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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