Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
