Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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