if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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