wanna go halves on a baby?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
