i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
