I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
