wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
