I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Randomize
