i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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