with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
