Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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