Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My bed smells like the plague
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
