Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
