You don't have asthma, your pregnant
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
MIDGETS
????
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
