I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
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I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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