I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
