No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
