You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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