You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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