There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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