i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
