no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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