im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
