During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
