bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Damn victory sex feels great
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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