And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
