my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize