so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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