Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
