I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
