Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
