You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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