If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
