He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
accomplished twins. life is a go
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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