i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
