I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
