just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
