oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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