Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
