That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
