i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I had to cum in my sink.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
