I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize
