Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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