Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
