Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I faked an abortion last night.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
