dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
