im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
