i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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