Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
