His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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